A French Horn
James comes from a family of distinguished military men.
3 generations.
He tells me that in the marines you break your body.
He is one of the youngest officers because of his leadership qualities.
He is a talented sportsman. Courageous and like a battering ram on the rugby pitch.
He sings like an angel…. the kind of clear youthful voice that brings you to tears.
But James is in a spot of trouble.
His ankles are susceptible to giving way and he has back pain first thing in the morning.
This is much worse when he surfs and he has to sit in an ice bath after long marches with insanely heavy kit.
He once let slip “it’s never good enough” and “it’s always my fault ”
He has a very muscle-bound physique. Tight. Bulked up. A thick neck and huge trapezius.
Pulled up at the front and tightly compressed in his lower back.
Standing with his legs wide apart, he tells me, eases his back pain.
I’ve known men like this since they were little boys.
Ruddy and roudy, busting a gut to be the best.
Gentle giants that have a soft centre…. one that is so easily wounded that layers of protection grow in as defence.
His arduous physical training has given him highly toned muscles.
It is these that are “on hold” and to attention for such long hours that his kinaesthetic sense is out of kilter.
He doesn’t know quite how to unwind and relax.
Neither does he realise that his bones could support him with much less muscular effort.
Some simple body mapping and his eyes are wide with sunrise.
His early attempts to get himself right (he is big on trying) bring about another kind of tension to start with.
Chin tucked in, shoulders elevated and in an effort not to lean back he has gone solid around his torso.
We agree that this makes breathing tricky.
A few more weeks.
We cover more ground…. work on allowing softness, fluidity, experimenting with less focus on being right.
He feels “weird” but more comfortable. His back is easier and his shoulders are not so stiff.
It does not feel like playing the horn, but he has noticed that he is faster around the squash court and his reactions are quicker.
He is still a little “held” but he is more aware of how to refresh his balance and his temper is less volatile.
Then one day he moves…. he is almost dancing…. he looks strong AND free.
He blushes a little.
Yes it’s all a bit of a story, but elements of it are about real people with real lives.
Names have been changed.